Clear the Stage

This past weekend I’ve had an awakening that I never knew I needed. These past few days have been the hardest and most trying time in my adult life than I could have ever imagined I would experience. Clearly I’ve been angrier with God more than I would like to admit; let alone be. Don’t get me wrong…I’ve been angry with Him before and usually when I don’t get my way, a family member passes away or praying for a miracle and not seeing it come to fruition.

This time has made me realize in more ways than one that I am not fully trusting God in all the ways I should be. I’m not allowing Him to guide me and work in my life in the ways that I should be. Now you’re probably reading this thinking…I’ve subscribed to this blog to help me in my season of singleness, wanting to be inspired by these women who are providing insight and all the while not living God’s plan for their lives. Time for a disclaimer…this post is clearly mine and my journey at this point.

Here’s where it all began and how I made the discovery and what I’m doing about it.

This past weekend I got wonderful news from one of my closest friends via text. She was engaged to be married!!! First feeling that came over me was overall excitement. I knew that this would be coming sometime soon based on our conversations of how her relationship was progressing. I sent back the congratulatory text (with a number of emoticons) as I was and am so very happy for her. I’m so lucky that I have been witness to her journey in life and this relationship and to see them together makes me extremely happy to see them take this next step into marriage.

So as a single woman anytime one of your other single friends gets engaged it can/may set off feelings of sadness, depression and a little anger. Needless to say the next feelings I felt were all of the above. An ocean of tears was cried and a lot of angry and accusing words were thrown in God’s direction. Through the tears I spent some time yelling and crying out to God. “Why not me, what more can I do, what more do YOU want ME to do. I’m following YOUR leading, how can YOU not allow this for ME.” I spent some time praying for peace in the situation and praying that God would continue to lead me.

In the time since this breakdown, I’ve had counsel by some of the most wonderful women in my life and they helped me realize that again it is never in OUR time. It’s always in HIS time. This may not be something that He has for my life…I know…depressing right! I need to spend time grieving the loss of what has not happened. I know…a little confusing right? We normally grieve after some sort of loss has happened. In my situation it’s the loss of the possibility that this may not be what God had for me. I’ve spent some times reflecting on this and while I was at work listening to my Spotify playlist a song came across. The song is called Clear the Stage by Jimmy Needham. This song gave me the reminder to take a break and let God work:

“Take a break from all the plans that you have made, And sit at home alone and wait for God to whisper Beg Him please to open up His mouth and speak, And pray for real upon your knees until they blister Shine the light on every corner of your life, Until the pride and lust and lies are in the open”

Take a break…take a break from all the plans YOU have made. We have all these plans for our lives, dreams for our lives that we always expect to happen right when we want them and not when God has them planned…if they are to even happen. Think about King David. He was a shepherd who slayed a Giant. He was content being a shepherd…never believed he would become king. David spent 15 years waiting, after being anointed by Saul and then another 7 years until he was appointed King over Israel. Did David complain…oh most likely. He spent a chunk of that time fleeing from Saul…not the best way to be waiting.

In this time of waiting, if your discouraged, depressed, saddened like I was spend time putting God first. Spend time (but not a lot of time) grieving over your singleness, the marriage, children that haven’t happened. Allow God to work in you and through you and he will bless you beyond your imaginations and more than you could ever dream! I’m going to leave you with some other lyrics from the song above and pray that it will be a blessing to you as it was to me.

“Oh, worship is more than a song, We must not worship something that's not even worth it Clear the stage, make some space for the One who deserves it Anything I put before my God is an idol, Anything I want with all my heart is an idol And anything I can't stop thinking of is an idol, And anything that I give all my love is an idol."