He Who Finds a Wife...

Proverbs 18:22-He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD".

I will like to counsel single men on the importance of waiting on God when it comes to pursuing a relationship with a godly woman. While this blog entry speaks predominantly to men, I believe that it will help any woman waiting on God for a relationship to identify the traits to look for in a godly man.There is a waiting season that is important. In that time a man is not waiting in the sense of doing nothing, but preparing himself (or better yet, allowing God to prepare him) to be a godly husband.

The goal of being a godly husband is important when it comes to pursuing a relationship with a woman because a relationship should lead to marriage. It is not wise to talk about waiting on God for a relationship without being marriage-minded. From Genesis, we see that the first human relationship was a marriage between Adam & Eve.

Notice that Proverbs 18:22 says that he who finds a wife. The onus is on the man to be intentional, to pursue, and to go after. The man referenced in this passage was not passive when it came to his future bride. He did not wait around for a group of women to be presented to him and ask for his companionship. He was ready, and he pursued. This does not mean that a woman can’t “make the first move”, but I believe that a man should be intentional and not simply allow things to “just happen”. A man who is this intentional from the start, is more likely to remain intentional and take the lead during the relationship and marriage.

As single men, we are to wait on God as he prepares us for a relationship and then pursue a godly woman in the right, God-honoring way.

A man should wait until…

1. He is saved: If God has not saved you, you are not ready to pursue a relationship. This might seem to be common sense but there are good men who want to pursue a “church girl” when they themselves do not love God. Ephesians 5:25 states that a husband is to love his wife, just as Christ loved the church. A man who does not follow or love Christ cannot love his wife in this way.

2. He has a plan: If you do not have a plan or goal for your life, you are not ready for a godly marriage. A Christian woman does not want to be on a journey with a man who has no idea where they are going in life. Don’t get me wrong, nobody has every single detail of his life or future figured out but there should be something about your future that should give a woman assurance that you are heading somewhere.

3. He is financially stable. This does not mean that you need to have a six figure income or thousands of dollars in investments. I believe that the most important thing is that you are able to support yourself. It means not living beyond your means. It’s important that this is your outlook before you plan to get married. During the marriage you may have ups and downs financially where one of you is out of work for a season, or just wanting to get something better. From that point, you work as a team. But it is important that you come in with a level of financial stability.

4. He can be held accountable/responsible: It goes without saying that a wife is responsible for her own actions and decisions, but a husband is called to be a good spiritual example to his wife. She should see Christ in you. Genesis 3 shows us the fall of man and the fact that God sought out Adam first after they ate the fruit that God had told Adam & his wife to avoid. Adam shifts the blame to his wife, who then shifts the blame to the serpent. In verse 17 we see that even though Adam was not the one who was directly deceived or pressured by the serpent, he was held responsible.

5. He is ready to get married: Once again, it is not wise to begin a relationship when you have no intention to get married within the next few years. The culture we live in encourages prolonged dating until the “moment feels right”, and moving in with a woman to test whether you are compatible with her. This is in contrast to Scripture. Such choices are not wise for godly men who want to be godly husbands. Get to know her beliefs about God, family, relationships, money, children, etc. Not all on the first date, but definitely when things start to get serious.

The longer that I’m married, the more I realize that marriage may not be for every man and that married men are not more spiritually mature or better than single men. Marriage is a great gift that is worth pursuing if God is leading you in that direction and the above steps apply (among many others). I will encourage the men who are single, have waited and now believe that God has prepared them to begin to actively pursue a godly woman. In doing so, always be purposeful and intentional. Be upfront with a woman that you’re looking for something long-term, not just someone that will make you feel good for a moment. As you spend more time together, communicate that the relationship is going somewhere so that she is not left wondering. Seek out godly counsel from people that you respect and that love you so that they will give you the honest truth about your relationship.